Category Archives: geek

geeky stuff

I am the Numb Cock Guy.

It’s not like it’s a secret I ride a lot. I wear a really ugly jacket most of the year. It’s not like I’m inconspicuous. People tell me all the time “Hey, I saw you riding yesterday”. There are enough people here in Fairbanks to allow for anonymity, just so long as you’re blending in.
Evidently, I don’t do that very well.

Allow me to give you a synopsis of a conversation from tonight:
Setting the scene, there are seven people sitting around talking when the topic of bikes comes up. I mention that I ride.

Girl 1: “You ride? That’s cool. Do you know John Doe and Jim Smith?”

Me: “Yeah, those guys are faster than I am, but I ride with them on their longer rides. I tend to do endurance riding–100 miles is an average summertime afternoon.”

Girl 1: “Jesus, how long does that take?”

Me: “Depends on where we go, I guess, anywhere between 5 and 7 hours”

Girl 2: “So I heard about this guy like two years ago that did this crazy super long race. Took like 12 hours or something. Anyway, his….um, manparts went numb and he didn’t feel anything down there for like two weeks. That seems just…..bad.”

Girl 1: “ohmigod, seriously? that’s stupid!”

Me: “Heh. Is that stupid or just dedicated?”

Girl 2: “That’s stupid! I mean, like, why would he do that? How would he use it? Lame, lame, lame.”

Me: “Maybe it didn’t matter. Perhaps it was functional, but numb?”

(insert uncomfortable silence here)

Girl 2: “oh. It was you, wasn’t it?”

Me: “uh-huh.”

Girl2: “Yeah, so I’m embarrassed, now, so I’ll be backing away now.”
Girl1 gets up and goes away with Girl 2.

Guy friend that was sitting with me: “Nice move, Woods.”

Admittedly, when this happened, I had no problem telling the story. I thought it was funny. Evidently, a full two YEARS later, it’s remembered well enough to be the topic of a random conversation. I knew the feeling would come back. It took about two weeks, and I fully recovered. All systems go. (Well, honestly, it was a little disconcerting, but, whatever, the point is it wasn’t lasting damage)

So, I’ve got two nicknames in Fairbanks.
“The Chainsaw Guy”, which I earned by running a chainsaw from *inside* a brush pile. At a party. In the dark.

The other one, I guess, is “Numb Cock Guy” It’s really no fucking wonder I’m single.


Risk Management

If everything in life is a matter of luck, then risk management is a meaningless exercise.

Invoking luck as the savior or failure of a situation obscures truth, because by definition, luck separates an event from its root cause.

The terms “hazard” and “risk” are often used as synonyms, but they are not interchangeable.

“Hazard’ takes into account the physical attributes of a situation and the potential for exposure to danger.

“Risk” is the identified and accepted hazard compounded by consequences; ie, the “What’s going to happen to me?” part of the equation.

Managing risk is a balancing act between a desired outcome and the probability of achieving it.

Knowing your goal is the key issue because it will become the yardstick by which you measure how much you are willing to put at risk.

Obviously accomplishing something that’s never been done before necessitates accepting a greater possibility of death or serious injury than repeating something that’s been done and perfected by thousands of other people.

For some, taking and getting away with the risks becomes a basic essential purpose and a reason for being. There is no more surefire way to feel alive than to gamble with and cheat death.

That’s all. There really was no point. Sometimes there doesn’t need to be, methinks. Just thoughts.

Another comment on dating in Fairbanks.

So this comment won’t be as nerdy as the last one I made.

This guy in Salt Lake wrote a craigslist posting about his experience in buying girls drinks. I completely agree with him. That said, the last girl I bought a drink for turned out to be an amazing woman. That doesn’t, however, negate the previous times wherein I’ve been taken in by the low-cut shirt and tight pants, worn only to get a free drink out of me, only to get the chest-pat walk away without a word dismissal. Fuck, I sound like a crusty curmudgeon, don’t I? Perhaps that’s where I’m headed. Dunno…

Regardless, that time is done. Forevernomore will I be suckered by the evilness that is buying women drinks. (The seventeen single women in Fairbanks take note!! Not that any of you really seem to care, seeing as how this town is a target rich environment in which you can spend a night out and not spend a dime…..) Perhaps this will destine me to be single, but honestly, I’d rather be single than to be used. I suck at dating as it is and always have. I don’t need your narcissistic bitchy selves further eroding whatever meager self-confidence I have remaining by luring me in and leading me on with your empty promises.

Anyway, dude may have only been 22, but he’s wise beyond his years.

Train Versus Tornado

Right. This would only slightly suck.

Milton, where are you?

I, like most people that find TPS Reports (and their cover sheets) funny, sometimes rely on the humor contained in Office Space to get my through a day.

It’s a good thing today is Friday. Seriously.

“…..And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…”

Today at work I had to fill out a form
that requests access to a form
that allows me access to a web page
that allows me to submit a report
………………………………………………that nobody will ever read.

Fermi, Drake, me, and Fairbanks, AK.

There’s a point, I promise.

The thing I like about Frank Drake is that he’s right, he knows it, and is very humble about it. Sure, the variables have changed over time with more and more research, but it’s generally accepted (by everybody expect for the whackjob Tipler) that the the result of the Drake Equation has always been greater than one at any given point.

I did some research with fc, with a specific concentration on parts of the Fermi Paradox (It didn’t work out, I was totally incorrect, and we don’t talk about this), so this whole idea hits pretty close to home. It’s pretty easy to analyze your world when you tear it down to contributing factors. Literally. But the hard part isn’t defining the variables, it’s trying to figure out the value of the variables. 

So, why bother, right?  But here’s where Drake, Fermi and I disagree.  In the mid 20th century, when Drake and Fermi were looking to answer these questions and spark discussion, nobody was really thinking about how space and time are related, or really, what space and time looked like. Time went one way, space went three ways, and that was that. Plain and simple. But that’s not really how things are put together.

Basically, they were thinking in a straight line, when in fact, gravity’s a bitch, and time and space are altered by something existing.

Or, also, even not existing.

My point, as promised, is that this document needs to be edited for Fairbanks, Alaska.

Conconi Test results

Well, except it’s not much of a result.

Here’s the WKO file and a CSV file if anybody out there would like to see and/or interpret for me, becuase I don’t see a break……which basically means I went thru all that for nothing.

At some point, I want a lacate meter so that I can figure out my true anaerobic threshold.

Edit: (So, after talking with Rocky, and looking at the numbers from the 20 minute test last week, I’m going with HR of 172, and power of 217)