non surface reaching tear

Well, there ya go.

The (not shown) lack of articular cartilage is actually what’s preventing me from riding. The articular cartilage around the medial condyle” (the outside part of my femur) looks like this:

It’s thought that the hole in the cartilage is catching and rubbing and snagging on the meniscus and causing tears.
The body, it’s a complex machine.

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I am the Numb Cock Guy.

It’s not like it’s a secret I ride a lot. I wear a really ugly jacket most of the year. It’s not like I’m inconspicuous. People tell me all the time “Hey, I saw you riding yesterday”. There are enough people here in Fairbanks to allow for anonymity, just so long as you’re blending in.
Evidently, I don’t do that very well.

Allow me to give you a synopsis of a conversation from tonight:
Setting the scene, there are seven people sitting around talking when the topic of bikes comes up. I mention that I ride.

Girl 1: “You ride? That’s cool. Do you know John Doe and Jim Smith?”

Me: “Yeah, those guys are faster than I am, but I ride with them on their longer rides. I tend to do endurance riding–100 miles is an average summertime afternoon.”

Girl 1: “Jesus, how long does that take?”

Me: “Depends on where we go, I guess, anywhere between 5 and 7 hours”

Girl 2: “So I heard about this guy like two years ago that did this crazy super long race. Took like 12 hours or something. Anyway, his….um, manparts went numb and he didn’t feel anything down there for like two weeks. That seems just…..bad.”

Girl 1: “ohmigod, seriously? that’s stupid!”

Me: “Heh. Is that stupid or just dedicated?”

Girl 2: “That’s stupid! I mean, like, why would he do that? How would he use it? Lame, lame, lame.”

Me: “Maybe it didn’t matter. Perhaps it was functional, but numb?”

(insert uncomfortable silence here)

Girl 2: “oh. It was you, wasn’t it?”

Me: “uh-huh.”

Girl2: “Yeah, so I’m embarrassed, now, so I’ll be backing away now.”
Girl1 gets up and goes away with Girl 2.

Guy friend that was sitting with me: “Nice move, Woods.”

Admittedly, when this happened, I had no problem telling the story. I thought it was funny. Evidently, a full two YEARS later, it’s remembered well enough to be the topic of a random conversation. I knew the feeling would come back. It took about two weeks, and I fully recovered. All systems go. (Well, honestly, it was a little disconcerting, but, whatever, the point is it wasn’t lasting damage)

So, I’ve got two nicknames in Fairbanks.
“The Chainsaw Guy”, which I earned by running a chainsaw from *inside* a brush pile. At a party. In the dark.

The other one, I guess, is “Numb Cock Guy” It’s really no fucking wonder I’m single.

Pain in the knee!

Yeah, so not riding for two weeks is pissing me off and generally making me unpleasant to be around, hence my lack of posts here and to twitter.

That is all.

So you know those days?

So you know those days when you wake up later than you had intended and have a meeting that you need to attend and you’re stumbling around your house trying to eat breakfast and realize you don’t have anything to eat so you eat half a cup of rice with mustard in it and then let the dog outside without feeding him and put wood into the woodstove and get into the shower and as soon as you get fully wet the dog starts freaking out and barking like a nutball which he never really does so you get out of the shower butt nekkid and go let him inside and flash the neighbor woman while you’re letting him inside and then go back to the shower without thinking about the gallon of water you’ve just dripped all over the hardwood floors and then drive like a maniac to work and play it cool like you intended to roll into work exactly 32 seconds before the meeting starts and then you spend the day dealing with paperwork which you’re evidently the only person in your entire office that has access to and you learn that your receptionist really is completely unaware that you can attach a document to an email and when you show her how to do it she kind of freaks out and you think she’s going to have some sort of coronary attack and you really can’t bring yourself to care because you’re pretty much at the end of your workday after being there for all of 4 hours and so you bail out early and while you’re driving home you’re thinking about the hour that you’re supposed to spend on the trainer because you can’t ride outside due to the roads being covered and snow and ice, but you still feel the need to train because you’re slow and want to ride because you enjoy it more than anything else on the planet, and you’ve got friends coming to stay with you and you have to clean you house because one of those people is a chick and you feel the need to clean so this chick doesn’t think you’re a total slob even though she probably knows you’re just a stereotypical single guy and not really a slob and she and her husband are pretty much your best friends so you come home and slap the road bike on the trainer and bust out an hour but then realize it’s getting late and you still haven’t done about the cleaning debacle so you run around like a chicken with no head and do a whirlwind cleaning job and then realize that you don’t have anything for your friends to eat and they’re likely going to be hungry in the morning so you jump in the truck and toss two bags of trash in the back and go to the store to get oatmeal and coffee and eggs and toaster pastries for them and when you get back out to the truck in the parking lot you realize that you forgot to take the trash to the trash transfer station, so you swing by there on the way home and when you’re pulling into the transfer station you realize you’ve been behind the same car since you left the grocery store and you hope that the person in front of you doesn’t think you’re following them and when you pull up next to the dumpster you notice the chick that you were “following” is acting like you’re a freak and is noticeably scared when you say “hi there!” to her while you’re tossing bags into the dumpster, and then you realize you’ve probably really terrorized the little co-ed so you shut up and get back into your truck and drive home aaaaaaaaaaaaand then you sit down on the couch at 11:45 at night and write a blog post about it?

Really, you know those days?!

Yeah, me too. I just had one.

(with a nod to Ted King)

The Constitution no longer exists? What? Shut your talky-talky hole, you freak.

Two things:

First, this post is amazing. “Hello Hypocrites. What say ye now?” Sent from a friend and fellow geek at at work. Well done.

Second, is the fucking freakazoids that claim that with the passage of health care reform that the constitution has been “dissolved.”
From the comment section of the above post, comes this buried gem that directly addresses that topic.

Let’s take a look and, just for grins, start from the bottom up.
Congressional pay still regulated? Check.
Voting age still 18? Check.
Presidential succession plan still in place? Check.
Poll tax still prohibited? Check.
DC still part of the electoral college? Check.
Presidents still limited to two terms? Check.
Still able to sell, by, have and consume booze? Check.
Women still able to vote? Check.
Each state still electing two senators? Check.
Congress still able to have an income tax? Check.
Still unable to deny rights based on race, color, or previous condition of servitude. Check.
States still prevented from infringing on constitutional rights? Check.
Definition of citizenship still the same? Check.
States still prohibited from interfering with privileges and immunities? Check.
Due process and equal protection still required? Check.
States still subject to punishment for denying voting rights? Check.
Confederate officials still barred from holding seats in Congress? Check.
Slavery still illegal? Check.
Process for electing president still in place? Check.
States still have immunity from being sued in federal court by someone of another state or country? Check.
States still have powers not prohibited by the Constitution and not assigned to the fed? Check.
Are our rights that are spelled out in the Constitution still not the limit of our rights? Check. (No matter what Rep. Paul Ryan says.)
Are excessive bail and cruel and unusual punishment still prohibited? Check.
Do you still have the right to speedy, public trial by jury? Check.
Still get to have a lawyer and confront your accuser? Check.
Still get to represent yourself in court? Check.
Still able to refuse to testify against yourself? Check.
Still protected from being tried more than once for the same offense? Check.
Still have a right to due process in civil and criminal cases? Check.
Grand jury still required in capital cases? Check.
Still protected from unreasonable searches? Check.
Feds still prohibited from housing soldiers in your home during peacetime? Check.
Still have the right to own and use guns? Check.
Still able to attend the church of your choice and believe as your heart directs you? Check.
Still able to speak your mind? Check. (As we’re doing here.)
The press still able to print or say just about anything it wants to? Check.
Still free to get together with other people? Check.
Still able to try to change a law or rule? Check.

Nope. There all still there.

Yes. Indeed. For as much as I really, really dislike stupidity, I really hate the tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorists even more.
I’m sorry that some of us have to pay 3.8% to fund health care for everybody in the country.
Oh.
No.
Wait, NO I’M NOT SORRY AT ALL.

The Poodle and the Horsedog

Monday, as I was driving to work at the ever-so-early hour of 10am, a little white (and I mean, bleached white) poodle ran out in front of me.

Recognizing that little bright white dogs don’t often run around unattended, I slowed down to check it out. It didn’t take a detective to see that it (a) looked terrified (b) was obviously an inside dog, and (c) was lost.
So I stopped to check it out, and at the very least, try to get it out of the road. Once I opened the door, the dog practically flew into the truck.
I called the number on the tag: No answer.
Took the little dog home, put it in the (fenced) backyard.
Called again. No answer.
Went to work, called the number again.

Cool enough, at this point I’m thinking that these people, like most people, have jobs and work. Cool enough, So, I bee-bopped around my day, happy in the thought that I saved somebodys dog from getting run over.

Fast forward about an hour.
My neighbor calls my cell phone.
N: “Hey Kenny, it’s (redacted). Are you dog sitting a little white dog?”
K: “Sort of, I picked it up on the side of the road this morning. Why? Is it barking?”
N: “Well, no. Yes. I mean, I don’t know. There’s a giant black dog, standing on the other side of your fence that really wants to be with the little white dog. That’s the one that’s barking. It’s running back and forth between your place and ours, and it’s a really nice dog….”

It’s at this point that I begin to wonder if I’ve entered some sort of weird literary time warp thing, where I’m now Dr. Dolittle and I’ve collected Jip the dog. So what’s next? Birds, fish and monkeys?

Kaylee and I talked a bit more and decided that if the gigantic horsedog and the little mini white poodle wanted to spend time together, then, hell, who are we to argue?
I told her to lead the horsedog through the house into the side yard.
According to the (redacted), it was an immediate cuddlefest. (ok, say “oh…….awwww…..”….)
Yeah. Cute. Dolittle. Ugh. Anyway.

I get home and call again the number of the little white dog’s tag, in hopes that these people actually own TWO dogs. No answer.
By this time, I’m starting to think these people just don’t care about their dog, which aggravates me a little bit.

So I google the phone number. BINGO! I get a name. I google the name.
*sigh*
Google brings up several links that contain this guys name.
One of which was a staff listing at his office. SCORE!
So I clicked on it. Then I realized that one of my riding buddys’ wives not only worked for the same company, but also in the same office.

A quick call to them discovered that the dog owner was out of town, so someone was likely dogsitting for them!
Which explains why they didn’t call me back…….

So, at this point, I’m thinking there’s no way the person who’s dogsitting is going to check the dog owners voicemail at home, so I’m resigning myself to being a three dog household until the owner gets back.

An hour later, there’s a knock on my front door. Strange guy, strange truck standing on the porch says “um, hey, hi, but I think you have my dogs in your backyard. I’m dogsitting for my brother-in-law and his dog and mine ran away this morning….”

Turns out the little white dog belongs to the guy that’s out of town, and the horsedog belongs to this other guy.

Mystery solved.

Long and involved story to say that I picked up a dog and saved it from getting run over on Monday.

Wow, idiots still exist!!

There’s a person I work with that’s very nice.
This person is a conservative, and that suits them just fine.
This person isn’t what I would call stupid, exactly.. This person is open to believing (due to a mixture of insecurity and blind faith) other people are naturally “smarter” than they are. ‘Cause like, duh, after all, they’re on _television_ and everything, so they *MUST* be right.

I mention this person because I “caught” them using a significant amount of bandwidth the other day to watch TV show.
Yes, at work.
Yup, this person was watching TV at work. Odd. Sure. But whatever. I mean, we all read the news or check our bank accounts or post tweets or update our blogs.

I think watching TV is a bit over the top, though. I heard the audio playing, recognized it as something that wasn’t all that work appropriate, so I knocked on this persons door and asked them what they were laughing at.

This person told me that they were watching “Glenn Beck”. This person then looked at me like I had three heads when I didn’t recognize the name. eh….right. I’ll admit that I was so dumbfounded at this persons blatant disregard for the rules that I didn’t say anything about it. She did mention that she was now a member of his “extreme insider” mail list, or something else that I didn’t pay attention to. At that point, I was just wondering how this person justified ignoring what was is a pretty simple rule that says “Don’t watch streaming video via the state network.”

So I left without engaging them in any sort of argument or reprimand. Now, I’m glad I handled it that way, because I realized later that the people that watch this guy are fucking batshit insane.

I went and looked this “Glenn Beck” person up. Evidently, he’s some FOX News(?) talk show host. Sort of like Palin is now, I guess? I guess FOX is out to hire those kind of people? I don’t know. I don’t have a TV. Anyway, he’s one of those people that says the same things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over in hopes that if he says it enough, somebody will believe him.
Evidently, there are people just that stupid.

One of the things I found while looking up this person was their idea that we should all think and act on 9/12/2001.
Ya know, like, when nobody knew anything.

He’s got this list of things that he claims all “good” Americans should think.

1. America is good.
No, America isn’t good.
America is country, and therefore can’t be “good” or “bad”
Forgiving your stupidity for a moment, I realize what you’re really trying to say is that “Americans are good!”
Which I also don’t agree with. By and large, they’re selfish, greedy, egocentric, materialistic, and generally poorly educated about anything that goes on outside their own borders.


2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life. 

Um. No. Sorry, I don’t believe that.

3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
This is only an issue with people who are innately dishonest.
Look, you are either honest, or you’re not.
You can’t be “more dead”. You’re either dead, or not.
You can’t be “more wrong” Again, you’re either wrong or not.
One cannot be “more honest”

4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government. 

I’m not married. Does this exclude me?
More importantly, I only ask this because I know something of your claimed “religion”, is your god supposed to be your ultimate authority?
Just sayin’…..
(edit 09/15/10: I also note that you say “spouse”. Nice jab there, considering that you wouldn’t consider two lesbians to be “spouses”)

5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
That’s a great idea. But the last time I checked, (which was about 2 minutes ago) if you’re rich, you don’t go to jail no matter what you do. Seems to me you’re not in jail, even though you’re a totally cokehead.
Great way to get the “common” people to rally together, though!

6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal rights. 

Are you fucking kidding me?
No guarantee of equal rights?
Oh, only white people get rights?

“Gosh darn it, those people don’t look like me or talk like me, so they must be evil. I heard that them people that wear those towel things on their heads and talk in that jibber jabber are evil and mean. Oh, oh, and get this, they don’t believe in God, neither. Must be some of them terrorists.”
Fuck you.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
Can someone please explain to me how you can force someone to be charitable? If it’s forced, it’s not charity, dumbass. But that’s OK, you’re not really interested in facts and definitions. You’re rallying people behind you….for what? To make yourself richer? The sad thing is that the people that follow you aren’t smart enough to see that you’re an entertainer. Like Chuck Norris, minus the awesomeness.

8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion. 

OK. I can go with this one. The problem is that you won’t agree with this when the machine swings to the right. Then, all of a sudden, it’ll be unamerican to disagree. Like, say, when I said “The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are nothing more than a man with a small dick proving that he can keep up with Daddy.”
Seems to me that your conservative friends didn’t have a problem with killing people then….
Why? Because stupid fucks like you had them convinced that those conflicts were retaliatory for 9/11.

9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.
That’s all well and good. Don’t pay taxes for a year or two. We’ll see who answers to who then.

That’s as far as I got. There’s more, but at this point I no longer cared.
Person at work wastes my bandwidth at work listening to Glenn Beck, who is batshit fucking insane.